depressed.

excuse me but i'm posting again.

I feel so sad.sometimes i feel so dumb for actually taking ppls' birthdays seriously.there's really no point when no one actually appreciates it.especially when u think that they're the most important friends,they let u down like that.i payed RM50 for it and she tells me i only payed RM20+. I wished her good luck for the performances and she didn't bother to reply.I ask her questions and she's so reluctant in answering.I thought that we should get a book so we don't drift too far apart but no one really writes enthusiastically ,no one is actually interested in bridging the relationships back.

The worst part is knowing that she talks so much to other people but to me its only "okay" "hehe" "yea". it makes me feel as if i'm that annoying that she's finds it so hard to speak.to think that we were once close friends.and we actually spend like at least 5 mintues together everyday,on the way back,but she has to make it a silent journey.how is it that she can do that to me when im trying so hard.and other people who dont even try hard to make her happy.she accepts them so well.that makes me sour.
she still hasnt put up any of our pics together.she hasn't even gave me any so we can stick it into the book like how we agreed in the first place.

i admit im possesive.i dunno why but i am.i hate it.it puts me in the bad light.it makes it seem like i only care for myself.the reason i feel so disappointed is because i give in so much and i get so little back in return.

i feel like i should never have asked to start the book."bringing us closer" is only making myself upset.I feel even more hurt than when i broke up with him. this is seriously too much for me to take. i cant take it anymore.its so very hard to see other ppl talk and laugh with her.

i dun fit in with anyone.its true.but i would think that at least i would be able to fit in with a few ppl,including her.but looks like that's merely a thought.i thought.yeah.it's pathetic.we're worst than classmates.at least classmates talk and hang out.mine and hers is just a silent pathetic journey.

i sound like a lesbian who just lost her girlfriend. but she means alot and i just cant believe our friendship has reached such a state.

i cant help but blame it on some other ppl.but i noe thats wrong.i just feel like they're friend stealers. that's pathetic but i just feel that way.i dunno why i always end up being like this.back in std 6 i also was in such deep shit because my best friend of 6 years suddenly stuck to this other girl she just knew.

haih.pathetic.oh well. a good night's sleep,and tommorow i'll have to put on that pathetic mask i thought i threw away . pathetic mask. i hate myself.