I neeeed...

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I'm in need of a diary.I need a book filled with blank pages, so I can pour my heart and soul into it. =) It's hard to find such a book, one without lines. But I need one , and I only one the ones without lines. Yeah,so fussy people have to wait a longer time ,search harder and probably pay more ,unless I wanna use a sketchbook meant for art.

I don't know when I started this,but it was probably in form 1. The time when I never listened in class and everything was fine. I had a great friend right in front of me and although we fought very often (serious argument) ,we still get back together again.And I had this "sejarah diary" because sejarah was too boring. In it I doodled and wrote about my sadness,happiness,fears and so on. I wrote about my brother's accident ; I wrote about this guy I was infatuated with ; I wrote about our cooking class during KH , I wrote about my hatred towards this particular teacher. After I wrote, all my worries just melted away. Last year,when I decided to just forget about my pathetic emotions, I gave the book away ,to the recycling centre. It's probably in some form1's hands now,and she/he is probably laughing her head off reading about my most secret thoughts. xD

Anyway,writing took alot of my concentration away. I wrote when I was studying for the exams , I wrote in class. I decided that it's dragging me down , so I stopped ,made sure I never doodled in my books again (i still do,but much less =) )

But now I realise I need to start again. I'm bloating ,i don't think I can take all these drama anymore,without venting it out somewhere. I need to talk ,and I need someone I'm comfortable with to talk about stuff, stuff that I find embarassing after I've told someone about it.And that someone who's gonna play the role of healing me would be this diary I'm anticipating so much. I need it ,it has to take the place of friends, I guess it was meant to be this way all along. =D

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I need a holiday. I'm sick and tired of studying. I have no idea how Mei Ting can study 24-7 365 days a year. I cannot understand that. Doesn't she get bored?Doesn't she feel like she's missing out on a big chunk of high school life? Doesn't she feel like she needs a break? Maybe she's got the heart of steel to study.

I'm different.Just a few months of studying and I feel all burnt out. I need to relax. Again,I need to crap to my non-existent diary.

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I need siblings here in Malaysia. Or rather, I need siblings I can communicate with. I can't girl talk with my sister.For some reason I treat her like mum. We don't talk about stuff girls would giggle about. ^^" And as for my brother, we crap , we don't talk. =)

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I need cash.I need to know how to part with it without feeling guilt. For example, I wanna buy the DVD but everytime I'm close to making up my mind about it I feel like I'm wasting the money.Because,with that RM70 ,I can go get my dog many snacks, or I can contribute money to buy dog food , or I could go for 7 movies ,or I could go karaoke , or I could get a top. See?So many things to make me feel as if I'd regret buying the DVD.

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