Now.Should I even publish this? It is,after all. just. a . rant.
JUST. A . RANT.
argh. I'm so annoyed. Annoyed. ANNOYED. I couldn't stress it further. BAH.
There are so many things that annoy me. The computer is slowwwwwww. slowwwwwwwww. slowwwwwwwwwww.. and EXTREMELY SLOW AND LAGGY today.
My download is CRAWLING,even with the firewall removed. it's just taking it's own time CRAWLING.
I finished downloading one of the drama,watched it, but just now accidentally "double clicked" the download and it started again.And now it went from 100% downloaded to 0%. And I don't know what to do. I STILL WANT IT,damn it. ROAR.
And the reason why i ACCIDENTALLY DOUBLE CLICKED the darn thing was because of the darn LAGGINESS this computer TODAY. I mean, it's exceptionally laggy todayyyyyyy. And it's FRIDAY too!
I spend every waking moment, thinking food. I love food, and I love eating. I love food and I love eating. I LOVE FOOD AND I LOVE EATING. But thanks to the dumb weather here that makes my metabolism slower... or maybe it's got something to do with me AGING and my metabolism slowing down, or maybe it's just something to do with eating outta boredom... also something to do with my highly expanded stomach and how it is now a bottomless pit and i never never never never NEVER feel full.
HONESTLY. I never feel full. I can eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat and my balloon of a stomach would expand expand expand until it's a little ball in front of me. Just imagine a four month pregnant woman.Can't? Then imagine putting a soccer ball or 3 tennis balls under your shirt, or in your pants.
I've been baking and I've been eating half of what I bake. The plan was to bake,give some away and eat some. I end up eating so many when the cake is just outta the oven, and we finish the cake the very next morning. (I bake at night).
I've been frying and I've been eating a full plate of fried rice. That's like 3 servings.
I recently found out what a SERVING or a PORTION is. DAMN. I've been eating 2 servings at least per meal. You just start wondering how you could've eaten so many bananas or two helpings of dinner, or ice cream or cake or drink milo at will or eat crackers just for the fun of it... or munch cookies like nobody's business ...............AND STILL STAY THE SAME SIZE... when you're in Malaysia.
And i didn't even EXERCISE at home. I was driven around in a car!! Now I walk and I run on the treadmill and I run outside and I walk walk walk and I WALKKKKKK. And I have to restrict my food and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate it!
I'm going crazy, I'm so bored I spend my time online reading recipes. I'm reading reading reading, and thinking thinking and debating and then thinking about exercise and thinking about food and HONESTLY, I HAVE NO LIFE.
If I'm going to spend every minute and every second thinking about all this nonsense, thinking about all this restrictions, I HAVE NO LIFE. But what can I do? I don't want to put on more weight -- before it's too late, and the diet has to be more strict! But I can't put my mind to it.
It's so frustrating. My resolution is great all the way until I come home from school and start the eating. THAT'S where the balance is thrown off.
Eating peanut butter from the jar. I don't do this in Malaysia but now I find it absolutely irresistable.
Eating cereal on it's own. Like junk food. Like Twisties. Like potato chips. Cereal may be healthy and all that jazz but a little , alittle , and alittle can add up to ALOT.
Chocolate bars are my favourite. I LOVE CHOCOLATE BARS. Oh!Henry, Mars bars, snickers, reese's peanut butter cups, kit kat. You name it, I love it. AND SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE I'VE ONLY EATEN 2 Oh!Henrys and 5 Reese's.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Even APPLES have calories. I mean there are so many foods that I never knew had so much fat. I read all the nutrional labels so many times that I know what's in what,especially the number of calories. Ask me daily food and I can tell you how many calories are in it.
My math has improved drastically because of all these mental calculations.
I know it's bad to count calories but this is the only way I can shrink my stomach to it's NORMAL size. I'm not asking for alot. I just want to go back to normal size so that I can stop counting calories and stop eating when I'm full --- the right way to eat. I need to know the serving size and the number of calories, so I can PORTION my food sizes, if not I'd just be munching munching munching and I reallly never feel full.
The other thing is my absolutely bad posture. I used to think I was HUNCHED. and then people started telling me I am SLOUCHED. And while reading this pilates book my sister has, I found out that I'm LORDOTIC. I've got a lordotic posture and the more I'm aware of it,the more irritated I get,and I try to correct it but I feel worst and it just makes me MORE AND MORE CRANKY.
ROAAAAAAAAAR. :(
Don't bother consoling me or saying I think too much or anything. It's just a rant. I know the answers but I just. can't . help . myself .
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