Wednesday, December 03, 2008

pre-TOEFL stress.

My first language is english. That is an undeniable truth.

So tell me, why am i not fluent?

Why do I stutter,stumble. Why am I practicing SPEAKING,of all things! Why am I searching for the right words,and still not finding them. I refuse to believe that my vocabulary is that limited.

It isn't even public speaking. I'd just be speaking into a headset. They're just recording me. It's TOEFL.English as a Second Language!ESL!

They don't expect me to be extremely fluent like a native speaker (I SHOULD be fluent,but let's just ignore the fact that I've spoken english all my life).

So tell me again,
why,why why why why why why why
am I so unprepared, it's driving me crazy?

I've spent the whole afternoon practicing,and will spend the whole of tommorow practicing.I have to skip class. Can you believe that?Skipping class to practice english!

I feel even more prepared for JLPT (considering Japanese is my 2nd/3rd/4th language). And I only have one chance for JLPT (as it is held once a year),as opposed to TOEFL,which is held every week! (if i don't do well this time,I'll just have to take it again, next week!)
The big question : WHY?

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